trouble sleeping

brokenarrowjbe · Post by **brokenarrowjbe** » Mon Aug 24, 2009 11:06 pm

My Dad has been diagnosed with terminal Lung Cancer. Last year he had vocal chord cancer, earlier this year prostate cancer. Now lung Cancer. He is at the moment pain free and sleeping. We have not always had the best relationship, but he has lived with me for the last three years. This is much harder to deal with than I thought it would be. Interfering with fishing from the kayak, too. Seems like it ought to be something you could fight. But it has allready spread to his spine and ribs. Most likely mesothelioma. So I have been having trouble sleeping. Jus thought maybe putting it out there would help. Not sure if it did or not. Well, off to lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. John

fishpirate · Post by **fishpirate** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 5:37 am

Bummer, my prayers are with you and your family. I know what your going thru.

Heywood · Post by **Heywood** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 6:15 am

brokenarrowjbe wrote:My Dad has been diagnosed with terminal Lung Cancer. Last year he had vocal chord cancer, earlier this year prostate cancer. Now lung Cancer. He is at the moment pain free and sleeping. We have not always had the best relationship, but he has lived with me for the last three years. This is much harder to deal with than I thought it would be. Interfering with fishing from the kayak, too. Seems like it ought to be something you could fight. But it has allready spread to his spine and ribs. Most likely mesothelioma. So I have been having trouble sleeping. Jus thought maybe putting it out there would help. Not sure if it did or not. Well, off to lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. John

John,
I went through the same thing with my dad, he was dying from congestive heart failure. He lived with us for just over a year before passing away. Yes, its very hard. It was very stressful for my whole family, especially between my wife and I. Just remember something, this is also hard on your dad. Its hard to ask for help doing very simple things, things that you have been doing for yourself since you were young. My dad knew he didnt have long, that also weighed heavy on his mind. Too many things going through their minds to comprehend. Just take a breath next time you feel stressed and most important seek out guidance or consuling from organizations such as Hospice. They not only help the terrminally sick, but their spouses, children or care givers.
Hold these days close. Spend as much time as you can. You'll look back and wish you had more time to spend with your dad.

There will be time to fish.

PM me if you ever need to talk.

Bill

Hatch · Post by **Hatch** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 6:16 am

I hope you were able to sleep. You are traveling a rough road that I have been on. God Bless you for being a caregiver for your father.

r3krobert · Post by **r3krobert** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 8:36 am

Please consider Hospice care. They are wonderful at helping the sick one and the family too.
Bob

John · Post by **John** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 8:44 am

Hospice were great with Jay, both in his home and at their facility.

Look for the blessings in the time you have left together, whether it just be a smile, a touching of hands, a shared joke or memory, look for them everywhere and you will find them even amidst all the suffering and pain.

There is nothing that can be said here that makes your's or your dad's, pain any easier to bear, but sharing your grief will always lift the weight even if it is just for a moment or two.

You're in my thoughts, good luck to you and your dad.

Chief1600 · Post by **Chief1600** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 8:51 am

It's difficult to know what to say. We lost my mom to cancer 18 years ago, Suzie's dad passed away a year ago and now we are losing my dad a little at a time to Alzhimers. As others have said, consider Hospice, they not only care for the person who is ill, they provide tremendous support to the family.
Our thoughts and prayers go out to you.

TerryW · Post by **TerryW** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 9:37 am

I can ditto what others said about hospice care. They come to your home on a regular basis until you feel it is time to take your loved one to their hospice care facility. My mom lived with us the last year of her life and hospice truly saved my sanity as they gave such good care to my mother.

Take care of yourself and find time to do what you love. You'll be a better caregiver for it.

ratherbefishin · Post by **ratherbefishin** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 10:11 am

I know you said that you and your Dad have not had the best relationship, but you also said he has lived with you for the past three years and continues in the most difficult period of his life. Sounds to me like you have gone a long, long way towards mending whatever fractures there were. I am confident that he appreciates the sacrifices of you and your family.

The time I felt closest to my Dad was when he lived with us following surgery. We had some frank talks, much laughter and some tears but I think those are the times when I could help him most. I couldn't fix his body but we were able to connect in a way that we never had. I hope you can do the same.

My prayers are with you and your family.

Redfisher · Post by **Redfisher** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 1:57 pm

Some pretty great people here, huh John?
I totally agree with the Hospice suggestions.

One thing that helped me while caring for my Grandmother with Alzhimers, was keeping a journal. It may seem simple,but it did help. I guess it was a quiet way of venting without bothering anyone or punching holes in the walls.

Good luck bud.

TK · Post by TK » Tue Aug 25, 2009 3:20 pm

3x the hospice idea.

And my thoughts go out to you and your family. Knock on wood my Dad has been cancer free for about 3 years now.

justabucup · Post by **justabucup** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 6:02 pm

Cancer affects not only the patient but the family and loved ones as well. It is a horrible disease. The pain your father is going through will certainly effect you as well. Let us face it 90% of us never thought we would need to take care of our parents the way that they did us when we were children. I am sure you never invisioned having to bathe your own father or mother because they were to sick. There is not only the physical but the financial cost of this disease. You probably are using much of your free time to care for your father or take him to have treatment. I am sure you are using vacation time off from work to take him to a doctor. You may be getting stress from your bosses about time off although they have been very supportive, but you see how things in all businesses are stressed. After a while it is only natural that you will feel (and after three years) entrapped by this disease. I am sure that you feel it is your obligation to care for your father but on the other hand you are wondering what has happened to my own life and if you are married the stress that it is putting on your own family. What may be keeping you awake is the guilt you are feeling by not wishing to do this any longer. I am sure you never thought iit could go on for this long and now you wonder how much longer it can last and if you and your family can put up with it any longer.

These are questions that have kept myself awake at night. Try and let go a bit and see if you can ease the burden a bit by looking to your own support group. Family, friends, religious institutions, and support groups that are on line. Just Goggle Cancer support groups in your area. Use these resources to help your situation. Remeber you are really not alone and you are not the first to deal with this.

You can do it one day at a time just be open to help.

Hatch · Post by **Hatch** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 6:07 pm

Welll said, Buc!

Mark R · Post by **Mark R** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 6:41 pm

Well said Buc.
I am so very lucky. My Mom moved in with me 15 years ago when her last ...ex dove into a bottle and did not come out. There was no where else for her to go. Never thought about how long. She's now 94, be 95 in Oct. and healthy as a horse. She has a little trouble talking from a little stroke last year, but other than that she is fine. I am lucky.
Point is, you never know how long you will have to care for a loved one, but you have to take care of your own. My experience has been long term. Yours is short term with a finality to be faced. Make the best of it, get as close you can. Last chance, but have fun.
I delight in introducing or calling Mom, Crabby. She is not, but it is just a little jab in the ribs, she knows, because I care.
To each his own, find a comfortable medium or place and enjoy what you can. But don't waste the time you have. It's tough with a spouse and kids, but they need to participate too. It's their last memories also. .. I remember what grampy said you did........ and you probably did too.
Take good care of those that took care of you, you never know when it might be your turn. Set an example and find a way to enjoy it.

brokenarrowjbe · Post by **brokenarrowjbe** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 10:30 pm

Hey guys, He is signed up with hospice. He is also a poster child for oppositional defiant disorder. He turns his hearing aid off when they are trying to assess his condition, denies being sick to his stomach even though he just vomited, may have a touch of alzheimers (My grandpa sure did). Wants to know why they are changing his pain medicine right after he asks them to change it. Tonight he was having visual disturbances, ie, blurry vision, feling " cross eyed".
Finally convinced him to try the oxygen they brought out last week. Seemed to help. He is sleeping now. Down to about 135 pounds. Was 175-180 just a few months ago. Looks like a concentration camp victim.

To top it off my old Navy buddy came home from work friday and found his wife on the couch dead. Today one of my other friends had to deal with his mom having a heart attack and being "down" with out oxygen to the brain and tomorrow they are going to pull the ventilator, so I will be going to the hospital to support him.

We are hoping that moving my Dad in with my mom will help. They are divorced but still somewhat friendly. So ......... And, yes, work sucks. Great day for kayak fishing coming soon. Thanks for the feedback. I got to move closer to the gulf or the ocean.

Reaalllyyy feeling landlocked about now. John

TerryW · Post by **TerryW** » Tue Aug 25, 2009 10:47 pm

John --- I'm trying to grapple with you moving your divorced parents in with each other. Mine would have found a way to kill the other.

But whatever works is a very good thing!

Paddle-Fishing.com