A Truly Generous and Utterly Selfless Offer

[H2Oz]

Just wanted to let you guys know that, for the next five days, the fish are all yours. Mind you, this is a special, limited-time offer.

When I was a young man, I distinctly remember the lurid newspaper accounts of the young father who, with his infant son nestled safely in the crook of his arm, thought it would be an excellent idea to celebrate our nation's birth by going outside and emptying a .357 revolver straight up in the air -- and was quoted later as loudly sobbing, "How could this happen?!?" after a 158-grain wadcutter came straight back down and turned the kid's brainpan into something resembling a miniature canoe.

Of course, back then, this could only occur on an eerily strange and totally alien planet where totally mystifying concepts like gravity did NOT apply, babies' eardrums were NEVER harmed by extremely close proximity to large-framed handguns going off, and apparently such things as copious drooling was considered a reliable positive indicator for responsible gun ownership -- or, as we old-timers liked to call that particular planet, "Miami".

Now, I mention this because the "4th of July Weekend" is fast approaching -- or, as THIS old-timer likes to call it, "The World's Largest Outdoor Insane Asylum, Open-Air Bar and Special Olympics Demolition Derby". In Florida, this occurs once a year when utterly huge numbers of the unholy lovechildren of inbred catfish dynamiters and syphilitic crackwhores, having already been sprayed with Crazy Gas by black helicopters AND bombarded with a massive flare of Stupid Waves from the planet Duh, apparently decide that massively overpowered watercraft are the perfect platform for both pharmaceutical research AND "self-induced energetic disassociation".

I also distinctly remember a grizzled old NCO -- my demolitions instructor -- wisely concluding each and every lecture with the phrase, "You should be somewhere else when this occurs."

And, this weekend, that's EXACTLY where I plan to be. No highways, liquid or otherwise. I figure I'll be able to see the roiling towers of black smoke, hear the rending of metal/fiberglass/HDPE, and smell the mangled flesh just fine from my house. If I can even get NEAR the windows.

[Mark R]

It's become another "Amateur Hour", I either stay home or go up to the woods. No driving much less boating.
Stay safe folks!